Welcome to the 2020 Self Care Holiday Edition: You Soothe You. Its’ been quite a year. The last thing ANYONE needs is to feel even worse, and then come the holidays. If you have not already, take a watch on my Youtube for a special message, click here, and read below for strategies to soothe yourself and how to handle humor that hurts.
Oh, I was just joking.
Don’t be so sensitive
You always take everything so personally
Does any of this sound familiar? Do you walk away from some events feeling worse than when you came? Is this the normative language and dynamic in your family? You might not have the worst family in the world, but you might also have some family dynamics that are damaging to your self esteem. I wanted to take some time to outline some ways that you can erect boundaries this holiday season. Enjoy your family, without feeling like you got hit by a truck or were a punching bag. OR DON’T!! This could be the biggest blessing of 2020, imagine a holiday season where you can simply do what you want!
Holiday Humor that Hurts
There is no easier way to hurt someone intentionally and turn it around on them than to tell a joke. It may be a painful memory from adolescence, it can be a nickname that you try to run away from. If someone tells a joke at your expense, that is hurtful, in private address the person telling the joke and request that they don’t tell it anymore. Set a boundary, with a consequence. Keep the boundary.
Scapegoating is when someone is blamed by the collective. This person takes all the blame, even if it has nothing to do with you. For example, you arrived late, the turkey went in late, people fought because they had too much to drink, which according to the host, is all your fault because they didn’t eat on time. This actually has nothing to do with you. Yes, you could be late, but you didn’t have anything to do with the actions of other people or a person’s decision to delay putting food in and on.
If this is something that happens and is mentioned even in jest, again, erect a boundary, say something directly to the person who is scapegoating, and assert a consequence. Stick to these. Scapegoating is just redirecting blame and reluctance to take responsibility for feelings and other actions.
This is a classic one and if there is a way someone is addressing you. Ask that they address you as you would like to be addressed, set a boundary and a consequence, and maintain serenity. One of the reasons I have so many sessions around the holidays is that maintaining this cool, when you are triggered is really difficult. I am a therapist, and I get triggered. Do the best you can. Set aside your favorite dish, indulge in a piece of cake, and practice self care the day before and the day after. Below are some other self-care ideas that are nontraditional.
2020 Self Care Holiday Edition: You Soothe You Ideas
The idea behind self/soothing care is that sometimes in the face of a lot of challenges, and November has really brought them out, you might need soothing, more than healing. When you are ready to do some deep dive healing work, we can. But during the holidays, how about some soothing and self-care, that really make you feel better?
To some of you, this is a job, some of you might think, is this soothing not healing? But guess what, doing something that takes your mind off triggers or stress is self-care. It may not be doing deep dive work, but soothing is really important in the face of stress.
Binge-watching can be self-care. Yes, you heard it here. If you would rather get into pajamas and binge The Crown or the Queen’s Gambit, treat yourself like the King or Queen you are and do it.
Don’t do it. Consider 2020 a gift. Tell your entire family, your small gathering, and or anyone you do not feel like seeing, that you are sitting this one out. Stay home. Order Uber Eats or Cater a whole Thanksgiving Meal for yourself. OR give back to charity https://momsla.com/places-to-
Do you know who does not deserve charity this year? People who make you feel bad. You Soothe You.
Happy Thanksgiving from Julia LMFT. As always, accepting Zoom calls and in person.