Sabotage

ˈsa-bə-ˌtäzh

verb

  1. deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something)

Let me run a hypo by you real quick and think to yourself if this fits, you do something and it feels like you satisfied a deep seated need but then you feel empty after. You obsess about it. Then you do something else to stop obsessing about it. Then you feel guilty about that. You are never going to do this again. You make clean breaks, you set boundaries, you try a new environment, then you feel freedom and one day try on that behavior again. Boom, sabotage, it all comes back.

You start a new relationship, it feels so different, they meet all your new criteria, but amazingly the same patterns emerge with their behavior. They stop calling, you get desperate and start obsessing, and then comes a restraining order. Maybe that last part takes it a little far, but you get the idea. You may not understand your sabotage. It may be a learned behavior that is a firm part of your identity, such as, I am very independent, I make my own rules, but these can be major sabateurs in relationship building. You know why? Because people want to feel needed, loved, and boundaries respected.

These blogs and Podcasts explore ways we can stop sabotaging our relationships and start taking accountability for our patterns and take charge of our behaviors. If you would like to explore private phone sessions or in person sessions, for couples therapy or individual therapy, contact me here. 

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