Physical and Emotional intimacy are critical components of a functioning relationship, and prior to really developing both, you need a point of disclosure of your feelings or the point in which you discuss the boundaries and the needs of your relationship in relation to past relationships and the context of existing relationships. Yes, this is the time to stop fucking around on Tinder Talk. Connecting with a partner helps you explore your own intimacy and vulnerabilities, dysfunction manifesting as intimacy issues take time to address but some of the best tools for boosting intimacy are below and can make immediate differences practiced with a professional and on your own.
Disclosures, or The Talk
Sabotage Disclosure Behavior: There are a few ways you can create false intimacy during what you are telling yourself is a disclosure of behaviors, whether behaviors are symptoms of your dysfunction, or they are patterns you know you exhibit during the course of forced intimacy. Be aware if you are using a certain phrase as a fall back or if you find yourself looking to new experiences with another person without discussing any issues with your current partner. One huge red flag is finding that your new partner has a perceived flaw and looking somewhere else. That is your problem, not theirs.
Quick Test Tip: How many times have you had this talk and then behaved counter? Back on Tinder, telling half narratives, or secretly measuring your partner against other partners, people on websites, your past, or your mother or father. This is not a full disclosure and not a real TALK.
Emotional Intimacy
Sabotage of Emotional Intimacy: Have you been confiding in someone else more than your partner, even if the confidence is not relationship related? A job issue that you seek advice about, or an issue with a family member or friend, who you usually would ask your partner about, you want to discuss with someone else. Whether you are attracted to this other person or not, you are robbing your partner of emotional intimacy and safety of confiding your feelings with them.
Quick Test Tip: In your relationship and work history, you experienced a BIG win, who was the first person you called? Was it a primary care-giver, was it a friend, or was it your partner?
Physical Intimacy
Sabotage of Physical Intimacy: One way to spot if you are sabotaging your physical intimacy is you suddenly find your partner unattractive or have used numbing behaviors to initiate sex to begin with such as drugs and alcohol. Beer goggles come off and you are not with a barbie? It is probably not her problem, it is likely yours, and you probably have done this before. This pattern recurs and your participation is sabotage of future chances of real physical intimacy.
Quick Test Tip: You hear a friend gets diagnosed with a disease or your family member has a horrible accident, your partner tries to give you a hug and you recoil and just want to be anywhere but in their arms, or anyones. You probably have a physical intimacy issue. It is more easily recognizable when a reaction like this is non sexual, but a similar hypo can be used in a sexual situation if your partner initiates and you suddenly have an issue with touch.
